Dems In A Panic Over Nancy Pelosi Suicide

Democrats are having a hard time coming to grips with Nancy Pelosi’s suicide, according to insiders at the DNC. More than 40 names have been pushed forward to replace her as Minority Leader.

Senate Minority Leader Chuch Schumer is “beside himself” with grief and anger:

“My friend is gone and that hurts. She couldn’t handle the current administration and with gerrymandering and voter suppression, saw the death of her beloved party just around the corner.

On the other hand, she also left us with a new battle ti fight — amongst each other — over who will step in and fill a massive power vaccuum on Capitol Hill.”

Pelosi’s suicide note hasn’t been released but one coroner’s assistant who saw it said she¬†saw the name “Trump” in capital letters. The theory is that Pelosi felt helpless and desperate because Trump is on the cusp of being the most respected and feared world leader of all time.

Pelosi’s family is asking for privacy during this trying time. They say Nancy has been fighting depression most of her adult life but has always managed to keep it at bay with positive physical and emotional therapy and a whole lot of lithium.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

About Flagg Eagleton 114 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.