BREAKING: Tim Allen’s Death Ruled A Homicide — Suspect Identified

The man who ran down Tim Allen while yelling “Who’s still standing now, bitch!?!” has been identified as Detroit rapper “Busta T.” The 45-year-old little known local star sings the songs “Dumb As A Trump Stump” and “Y’all Are Just So F*cking Stupid.”

Police say an argument broke out at a local bar Allen likes to go to from time to time when Busta T approached him and told him how much of a criminal “his boy” Donald Trump was. Allen responded by throwing a drink in the rapper’s face and walking out. After having breakfast across the street at Country Kitchen Buffet, Allen was on his way back to his car when Busta T came out of nowhere driving a ’77 El Camino.

After running Allen over and then backing over him for good measure, T drove off. Police figured out where he was going when they located this image of him at an ATM near Dearborn:

If you see this man, do not approach him. He is presumed to be extremely dangerous. Authorities believe he slipped into the Muslim neighborhoods of his hometown of Kingstonville where he would be hidden and protected. If you live in the Kingstonville area and you spot him, please call 911 immediately.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

About Flagg Eagleton 115 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.